Californication on Estrogen

OK, so I don’t get the tail he gets on Californication and I no longer tap the bottle each night, but I do aspire to have a steady stream of on-call model-like booty. What, a girl can’t talk like that? What’s wrong with wanting your own business, regular booty and a few kids down the road? Well mannered, well educated women aren’t supposed to talk like that. Just admit it. But the truth is, not all women dream of a white dress and a house with 2.5 kids. In case you didn’t figure it out, the husband is the half a child.

There are moments in a woman’s life when she is content with the status quo. A relationship at 25 or under is the best because the world still seems a stable thing, small enough to understand and accept as is. But approach your late 20s and stay in a half-full bed and things are going to change. You see the world is telling you it’s bad to be alone and a cold bed, spoon-free, gets old. But the older you get, the harder it is to find someone you can stand for more than a meal.

I know, it sounds bad. But NYC is a transient place and the longer you stay there, the less able you are to commit to anything but your own interests. If you are a straight woman, each man you meet is cool or horrible in a different way, and with each date, you learn the looks, the looks that tell you what will or will not become of the meeting. And soon you will realize that the search for someone, it is less glamorous than it once was. Now, you know that the person you might find, will bring out the best in you, be compatible in the sack, like similar foods, and share some interests. What they are not is a soulmate and what they provide is the safety that comes from knowing you’ll never have to spend a holiday or vacation alone, if you do not want to.

You see if a man is in his late 30s, is still single and seems content with his existence, chances are you are just a way to fill a temporary void. He may be a nice guy, even smart, sophisticated, he may even have moments where he watches his nieces and nephews and eyes them lovingly, but, contentment living a solo life in NYC means he might feel that way forever. And, so after a perfectly nice evening with many common laughs and a beautiful meal, when you kiss goodbye, you will see that look in his eyes. The twinkle, the kind look, you know he could care for you, that he truly thinks you are an attractive person, but maybe you were too judgmental, too talkative, too quiet, too something. The point he is happy alone and so you will always be too ________ and that’s why when you see that look, one sustained in a short pause, you better know that you’ll never see him again. Once you learn that look, you’ll begin to approach the day when you will not even do the reach. You hop on the subway, he’ll grab a cab or continue walking. Each home, you’ll grab the remote, put on a face mask and a puff away, while he strokes himself to sleep.

But what’s worse than knowing that you’ll never see him again is that you will be OK with this. You’ve been there before and being single at 31 or older means you know you’ll survive. In fact, you know that there are many men that could make you happier, and many that could not. And so why cry over one. After all, you’ve cried already over three that loved you just enough, that you loved just enough, but at the end of the day, you loved yourself more. And that’s the problem with single New Yorkers–they are both men and women, because women here know that they deserve to have men compromise in big ways too. And so you’ll walk away too, and you’ll get comfortable living alone, and you’ll put your career ahead of your procreation plans, for there’s always another suitor, always another interest and surely a world full of unlucky children just waiting to be adopted. The question is–will you be able to pay for the nanny?