Go Bi or Go Home

After six years in NYC and 31 years on the planet, that’s what I have to say. Of course there is a disclaimer: I’m a heterosexual female that wants the option of having biological children. And the truth is, when you hit your 30s, you realize that you were or are one of three things: 1) not ready, 2) were picky or had issues, and/or 3) met the wrong guys. And watching enough 40-something friends leave NYC teaches you one thing: I don’t want to wait that long to let go and start living.

I say this from experience, from a place where I know enough to spot the closeted men (why still in NYC–if not here, where?!), but to have been enough of a good girl not to have known what a bump is (a bitty jump of coke). I say this after having countless couples told me “you just haven’t met the right guy.” No, I have met the right guy, four times, but not when I was ready to get married and fold laundry in front of Dateline. And guess what? Now one is too far gone, two are married with toddlers, and the fourth is waiting for his mom to find him a wife in India.

And the reality is that people want the ease more than they want “true love” or insane passion. It’s just too tiring to live here, seek love, seek life, pursue money and keep one’s morals. Something has to give. So when you meet yet another guy that is engaged, but seems way more into you to than the woman beside him wearing the pear-shaped conflict rock, you better know it’s because 1) you are far more intriguing and 2) you are not his fiance. Old cow, new cow. Old cow is fine, new cow is exotic and more interesting, but old cow is known and new cow is a unknown entity. And so, though the new cow would encourage him to pursue his dreams, no matter how far off or how small the associated paycheck, he will stick with old cow because 1) it’s the right thing to do and 2) it’s the easier thing to do.

So, when you go home, knowing that even in NYC there are closeted flaming men. That even in NYC, good red wine can temporarily cure all. That even folks older than you can reveal that we’ve all been the subject of an unsavory situation. That even the presumed lifers can admit they at times mull leaving. Because there are so many reasons to stay, but one bigger one that justifies leaving–the hope of starting over.

There are countless women, all competing for great jobs, the few single straight men seeking something real, many museums you could attend if you only weren’t a workaholic and a slave to face time, and many things you could do if you’d only let go of the New York Pride. So when you go to sleep tonight, solo or spooning, wondering what your future holds, know this–your future holds only what you make it. The past is that past and it has no bearing on whom you choose to be in the future. Goals can only happen if dreams are not deferred. So love hard, dream big and if you are a straight woman, Go Bi or Go Home.