Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but the concept of beautiful bodies is in the mind of the media. Or is it? Maybe what is considered beautiful is partially innate just as color is. Take a 2-year-old child for example. She is raised by progressive parents, who gave her a hyphenated last name, rarely let her watch TV or movies, and in a home where her father does 70% of the cooking and both parents work. Her mother shoves the brown boots and pink boots in her face, and having little exposure to gender bias toys and shows, she still chooses pink. Is it nature or nurture?

The same might be argued about what is beautiful and sexy. If over the years, we hadn’t developed a basis for what overweight is and looks like, would supermodels with a BMI closer to a starving refugee than a wealthy woman still be considered the ideal eye candy and girlfriend material more many? Because the truth is, years ago the fertility sculptures had ample curves and Marilyn Monroe likely would’ve been a size 8 or 10. So where did we turn to end up at the zero fat benchmark?

Part of this stems from the art of fashion. Clothes look better draped on mannequins because the clothes are the main attraction, not the body they sit on. What better than a mannequin-like human that can both make the clothes the main attraction and move in them? A so I imagine it was all born, but did Coco hire models like that? It was a different aim, not to have people covet the clothes, but to create clothes that fit the lifestyle of the modern woman, and in wearing Chanel clothes, reinvigorate oneself and mission.

But, these days, the clothes are more commonly associated with their designer and the celebrity fans, than the art itself. And so we are bred on a diet of marketing that tells us how to look, what to wear and what not to eat. For we too should aspire to a diet that will enable us to look like live dolls. But in fact that is not the case. The case is partly that, and partially a case of too much editing. Add Photoshop to a celebrity with tanning airbrushing, extensions, perfect makeup, great lighting and amazing clothes and you have an unrealistic expectation beautifully printed on the pages of magazines. But this is nothing new to you, right?

Here’s the real deal. I’m in the gym, hoping that the exercise will help me fight the cold that appears to have infiltrated myself. After 30 minutes of cardio and some weights, I head to the mat for but and ab work. It’s there, after about 10 minutes, that a trainer comes over to talk to me and a guy doing crunches beside me. We are both doing the obligatory workout. It’s not the yearning that yoga or pilates brings over time, it’s the obliged exercise that we commit to as part of the  renewing to-do list.

He challenges us to 10 minutes under his direction, for free. I’m silent and the man, about 43, wearing a tee and long jean shorts (Yes, this is in Manhattan), says he can’t do it. We acquiesce and he proceeds to kill us, with various core exercises. And though he is too energetic and has halitosis, I can see beyond his vexing persona to understand that he is right. He never once mentions losing weight. Instead, he speaks of core, touching on the need for both a good workout and those that slave away at desks all day long. Again, I can’t argue, and after many different exercises, I’m can feel my ass and stomach burning–more than I could after my own work out. But, I also have another realization.

Ever watched a movie or show, or overheard a guy saying that a woman had a banging body, but the mug was barely decent and her personality was shit? I had one of those moments. As he demonstrated kicks on the pull-up bar and waxed on about what the core wants, I just wanted to smack him. Actually, my stomach and core don’t want that. In fact, my stomach wants some chicken soup and my mind wants some blueberry, and I ain’t talking about fruit. Still I sit there, a good student, and while he kicks, I notice the perfectly tight ass that his job has produced. But I just wish I didn’t have to look at his face or hear him talk. And that’s when it hit me–I’ve had a MUG moment all wrapped up in a potential hate fucking scenario.

So WTF does all of this have to do with The Beauty Benchmark? This interaction showed me that most people hit the gym to satisfy a requirement they’ve set for themselves. Maybe it’s three times a week and a certain weight target. But, any mom or woman over 30 knows that you may reach a target weight, only to realize that your body doesn’t look the same at 150lbs at 31 the way it did at the same weight four years ago. Such is the plight of aging. But, what you might realize, one day, is that attending the gym or having the ability to exercise, is a luxury, one with a built-in adrenaline kick and an innate endorphin push. But, our aim in going is often to work toward becoming someone we’re not. For most, it should be finding a place that helps us become healthier and eliminate daily stress. Sure, results would be nice too, but that’s the whole point. If day after day, we do the same workout, just to feel like we’ve gotten our thrice-weekly workout in, then we might never achieve the results we want.

This is no plug for personal trainers. I just dropped $55 for a 30 minute session next week that is sure to kick my ass. But, it might be something that forces me to get my work done efficiently and spend less time in a fluorescent-lit office, less time in front of a computer and more time with real people. Or, it might still just be a better path to a more fit body.

Either way, the path we choose must always be a path to a better self, not a different, unattainable self.

Supermodel and fashion icon Kate Moss launched her third fragrance this September, Vintage. Inspired by Moss’ love of vintage clothes and art, as well as perfumes from the 1920s and 1930s, the fragrance is classic yet refined with Moss’ contemporary twist.

A sweet floral blend mixed with warm notes of tonka bean and almond flower, the fragrance creates a feminine and sensual experience. Other notes include pink pepper and white freesia.

The bottle mimics the name by its smoky glass tint decorated with Kate’s signature in rose gold. The rose gold pattern can also be found on the folding box the fragrance is packaged in, providing a last touch of the antique inspired style.